Pretend his narcissistic manipulation is OK

Written by

in

was no doubt in Heminsley’s mind that they would divorce (they are still in this process). She was not gay. She longed to fall asleep in the arms of a man. For a few years they lived apart, with shared custody. When the pandemic hit there was no question that D would move back in during lockdown. “It was really good fun actually . . . we still love each other,” Heminsley says. Her son understands that he has two mothers.

Does he really now? Two mothers? 

Most recommended comment:

There are more books appearing in this genre, including two aimed at children, explaining that the best way to cope with a man who transitions in the family is complete acceptance and allyship. Negate the impact, swallow your feelings, pretend his narcissistic manipulation is ok. Turn it into a book that the scary trans lobby will accept.

When my father transitioned I was eleven. I turn 50 this week, and the eating disorder I developed to cope with my trauma and grief is still here, albeit thankfully much more manageable after therapy. No one’s interested in what most families experience, the messy reality of dealing with an autogynephile with narcissistic personality disorder. Seeing all the money disappear. Handling his increasing rage when you don’t say or do the right thing to validate his identity. It’s like being run over by a truck that everyone insists is the real victim, while the paramedics praise the truck for its bravery and ignore you.

We talk a lot about grief, the ‘trans widows’ and ‘orphans’. It feels just like grief. I think at the very least we should be honest. He isn’t a woman, the psychology and science make this clear. So people can make faith-based statements about how they feel, but there needs to be a dose of reality so people understand what is really going on in these scenarios.

All I see is grooming and propaganda in media exercises like this.

Comments

  1. Richard Avatar
    Richard

    As you may have seen, also covered in the Guardian, though without the option of commenting. https://www.theguardian.com/society/2021/jan/02/from-now-on-i-was-in-an-lgbtq-family-my-husband-came-out-as-trans-while-i-was-on-maternity-leave
    The two final paras are a confession of and apology for past wrongthink. The self-abasement made me uncomfortable.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *